who am i?

when i look back on my life and look at my life now, i feel like i'm living a lie. i've lost sight of who i used to be and how my dreams came to be. i used to be so ambitious. and now when people ask me if i figured out what i'm doing after graduation, i'm like LEAVE ME ALONE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW. i get really sad because i feel like i'm a totally new person in good and bad ways. i've learned so much along the way but in essence, down in my very deep core, i hope i'm the same shy girl who didn't know how to make friends, who was afraid to talk in public, who was always curious searching searching searching for what the world had to offer. wanting to travel to as many countries as she could and having a story. an adventurous story. not a boring corporate story. i want to dance like a moron. i want to carve "sharon wuz here" into park benches. i want to meet random people and listen to their life stories. where did this sharon go? who am i? some days i don't even remember who sharon is anymore and i have to constantly remind myself of where i came from. my past was something i used to be so hurt by. after coming to college, it evolved into something that i was proud of because i learned so much from it: always moving around because we couldn't pay the rent, my alcoholic dad leaving us, my brother being sick as a baby, having to live apart from my mom for years because she didn't have enough money, reuniting with my mom and my brother only to learn my mom had cancer, living from meager paycheck to paycheck because my mom was too sick to work, being frustrated all the fucking time because we were so damn poor, hating my step dad so much that i wanted to die. i hated all this. but i loved all this. and the saddest part is that every day, i forget little by little.