couple nights ago, i had a dream i was pregnant. i had a small baby bump. i don't quite remember who the dad was in my dream but i just remember being swept off my feet and being in love. being pregnant felt amazing. something that really transcended any feeling i've ever felt. i felt comfortable, happy, glowing. i felt like i was channeling all of my love into my baby and the baby was growing and protected because of the love that enveloped it. i woke up smiling. it was such a unique and beautiful experience.

i've always been scared of getting pregnant because a child is such a precious and terrifying gift. you're responsible for someone else's life. when i look at myself today, i ask myself, "would my mom be proud of who i am today? would be she proud that she raised a daughter like me? would my mom blame herself if i didn't turn out like she expected or wanted?" i realize more and more every day that everyone's journey is unique. we're all trying to learn about ourselves but sometimes i have a tendency to forget that i'm not the only one. everyone takes away different messages and learn at different rates. a lot of times, i feel like i'm on this journey to gather all of the knowledge and wisdom i can so that i can pass it on to my children.

a lot of my friends tell me that i would make a great mom. i don't know if that's true but from my own mother, i think i learned to have a huge capacity for love. i grew up seeing my mom work her ass off to take care of me and my brother. seeing her so passionate and dedicated to us really left a mark on me. when i care about someone, i really care about them. it's crazy just how much i love the people i love. i can only hope that in the future my children will learn to love the way my mom showed me to.