rantrantrant

i felt that i needed to get this off my chest. hmm, where should i start? last week, i was "studying"/talking with a fellow techie at the library, and the subject of church people came up. both of us attend the same church. we are also both very involved in our respective campus organizations and other extracurricular activities. she started to talk about how frustrating some people are, mostly asian americans in our community and church. she has been involved in a community service organization for a couple years now, and it's heartbreaking to see that greek organizations are more responsive and eager to help out every year than religious groups. i've been penting up all of this disappointment in people who i call my "friends." most of the people i hang out with are friends from church. many of them are aware that i work for kollaboration atlanta. i've been working for this non-profit organization that promotes asian american talent for about two years now? it's something that i put a lot of time and effort into without pay because i'm passionate about it. working for kollaboration atlanta has helped me learn and grow so much. so when my supposed "friends" tell me that they don't want to go to the show that our staff has spent a year planning because they don't have the time or money, sadly, it's my first instinct to question our friendship. i understand if you have something else really important planned for that day, but if you were truly my friend, wouldn't you share or even just to support in the passions i have? essentially, you are saying that all my hard work is not worth your time and money. it's not even like i want people to come so we can make more money. i want to be able to show everyone a really really good show because deep down in my heart, i truly believe it's going to be an amazing show this year and i want to share that with you. anyway, this friend and i at the library got into a heated discussion about our disappointment in the church. it's truly awesome to see everyone getting so close to God and being able to share in our walk. but it's an exclusive bubble. they fail to get involved outside of church. isn't that what the church is supposed to be about? the church wants to invite everyone to come to their events and come to church on sunday, but when we ask them to come out to our events, the response is always the same. i'm too busy. i don't have money. i know that the leaders work hard praying for all of us, planning all of our events, etc. we know that you feel purposeful when we are blessed by their hard work. can't you appreciate that we work hard too? i don't know if y'all know this but i am an instant gratification kind-of girl. if someone appreciates my hard work and compliments me on what a good job i've done, that is my motivation to keep going and keep working harder to challenge myself to do even better. recently, a fellow church friend asked me, "isn't kollaboration a party thing?" uhh what?! it angers me when people have wrong perceptions of who we are and what we stand for. yes, we host parties but those are parties with a purpose. we're not hosting it so we can all get drunk together and make out. ugh. and it's not even just kollaboration. i've been an officer of the korean-american scientists and engineers association and no one even knows. i really wish that people would come out to more ksea events. when i went to ygtlc, the national conference hosted by ksea, it really did change my perspective on life and work. it was one of the best learning experiences of my life! why can't people understand that i want to share that with everyone? everything i spend my time on is something i care about. i don't waste my time doing petty things because i want to make my resume look good. i do it because i really care about it. when i invite my friends to some event, i want to share in that passion. this doesn't only pertain to me. think about your other friends who are involved in an organization with a purpose. not even just that, LIVE YOUR LIFE. people who spend their time and money on experiences rather than physical objects are statistically much much much happier. i know this from experience, kiddos. anyway, this is long enough. thank you to my friends who support me in my ventures. thank you to my friend at the library who ranted with me that night, haha. phew, i've held this in for months.