i think i've become numb to a lot of things, even some things that i shouldn't become numb to: relationships, God, life. in high school, i cared so much about what others thought about me, my physical image, my reputation. not that i don't care now, but i just don't make a conscious effort anymore to build up this facade-this character that i aspire to be in all its loveliness. instead, the reality is that it is inexhaustibly tiring to be someone everyone loves. catering to everyone's needs and expectations is an inevitable tumble into depression and confusion about who you really are and what you thought you knew about yourself. here are some things i know about myself:
- i love being alone, but i hate feeling lonely.
- i tend to forget things in the past, and i don't know if that's a good or bad thing.
- therefore, i look to the future.
- i am ambitious, but my spirit is weak.
- i like to indulge in things, but i also know how to control.
- it's always all about incentives.
- i doubt, doubt, doubt.
- i am good at abandoning things, people, feelings.
- i'm not particularly proud of the above.
- i still don't know myself.
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