for i will run this race

"The epitome how a sinner be, running from the One who created me in His imagery
Gratifying in the sins, illiterate of the consequences it was costing Him on the tree
Yet while I was a sinner, He died for me, His bride to be, I'm proud to be
Called a son of God through Christ my Majestic Majesty
Pulled me from the dark shackles of the world, yokes crackled in the name of the Highest
Now I'm biased to the world, for the Lord poured living water when my soul was the driest
Quenching every need, finding contentment, on my knees, relentless praying never cease
With a peace that's endless, living in a love that depends on the One who is Tremendous
Runnin' and chasin' after the One and only Holy Messiah
Who kept me safe in His arms when living a life that deserved to expire
I aspire to be inspired Lord for You are the One I admire
I will run after You, pursue to be renewed daily, till my life has retired."
-amp

the more i come to know Christ, i realize that there's so much more to know about Him and about myself. i wasn't even aware of some of the struggles i deal with. today, i questioned myself (1) why can't i trust God completely? (2) am i ashamed to be a Christian? i never even realized the little things i do that "hide" my faith. it's not like downright hiding my association with Jesus, the church, other Christians, but little things, like telling your friends you're busy with something this weekend and not saying, "I have Friday service/Bible study/some church event." it's become such a habit. how did i not realize it until today? also, i always said i trusted God but i didn't realize until today that i actually don't trust Him perfectly. if i did, i would have no worries whatsoever. i'd trust in His divine providence. but no, i have to worry about my grades, my financial situation, my public image. these realizations opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of us, Christian or not, are the same. we agonize and fret over petty matters, we are self-conscious, we are insecure. being Christian and devoted to God doesn't make me better than anyone else. but having God on your side does give you peace of mind. believing in this almighty God just shows me how much more i need Him. Christianity is not a crutch for my incompetency. it is the reality of this vital need for Christ in my life. your quantity of faith determines your quality of life. not only this, but the reality of the tremendous love of God, of the comfort of knowing that i'm not alone, of the security of hope. it makes me feel like i'm living and not merely existing. i want the burdens of this world completely off of my shoulders. God, help me to trust in You completely.

"and if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?

and if our God is with us, then what could stand against?"

-chris tomlin