drained.

i need a sense of peace in my life. maybe not even peace, something ALIVE. a purpose, something worth living for. i'm falling into this zombie-ish cycle of school: waking up is the hard part, keeping up with the work is the even harder part. this feeling of dissatisfaction. it's killin me. i wish i wasn't an overachiever and a perfectionist. life would be so much easier if i wasn't. and i'm so frustrated at everyone. just things that people do piss me off. i don't want to hate people, but at the same time, i want them to go away, everyone and their stupid tendencies that set me off. i absolutely hate it when people say stuff like i don't care if people don't like me or not, i'm doing my own thang. of course it fuckin matters, you dumbasses. we all live for the satisfaction of others whether you are conscious of it or not. and it's all about perspective-you expect me to apologize? all i'm saying is ignorance, then utter disrespect. and you know what? i actually hate hate hate myself so much for even judging them, for looking down on them, for scrutinizing. you have no idea. i feel like i'm screaming so much inside it's hurting my lungs. all this inner tension and anger is literally overflowing inside me. do i need therapy? 

yesterday night was epic for me.
GOODNESS, i needed to get all that frustration out at someone, anyone, didn't matter who you were and what you did, 'cause in the end, it felt so damn good.